What makes SG1?
by Darth Tater
Summary: Two SGC head doctors have a little chat, with some advice. S9


Spoilers: major Heroes, slight Avalon

Disclaimer: Doesn't belong to me. I own only the plot and the Sharpie idea. Not the Sharpie company.

It was just after SG-1 had come back from another fouled mission, and in bad shape. Colonal Carter had been shot twice in the thigh and, naturally, foot. Most teams Carolyn Lam had treated had been shot because they'd figuratively shot themselves in the foot, but SG-1 was the first she'd seen to have it done literally. Dr. Jackson was shot in the left shoulder, as always, and had a pulled ligament in his knee. And Teal'c… well, he was a bit bruised, but for the most part he got shot maybe once every 3 years. And then Mitchell had a concussion, a broken ankle, a staff blast to the side, aimed from the front so it wasn't fatal. They were all very bruised and sore, and taking up three of her beds.

Lam would have been fine, but Dr. Jackson was raising a fuss over being in the wrong bed, Teal'c was raising a fuss about being thrown out, and Mitchell had yet to wake up. What did the bed matter? It wasn't like the other one had his name on it! And she had every right to tell the man to leave; her patients needed their rest! Dr. Jackson and Co. Carter could hardly find it comforting to have a large (VERY large) black alien man watching them.

And it seemed like the entire SGC wanted to see them. Not Mitchell; it seemed they couldn't care less about him, which rather offended her. What was so special about those two? From the way everyone treated them, you'd swear they'd saved the world ten times! The area around them was absolutely cluttered junk. On one side there was gourmet coffee, gourmet chocolate, tablets, rocks, three new pairs of glasses, a new coffee maker, and at least 50 get well soon cards. The kind that were giant, or sang, or personalized. You know, the expensive ones. Then there was some book, "Not getting shot for Dummies", which looked like it had been professionally doctored, that that wasn't the title of any real book as far as she knew.

The other side had flowers, at least 20 king size Hershey's chocolate bars, and Jell-O, (blue, plus five boxes of red that had been sent from D.C. of all places). There were a couple dead ZPMs, what looked like a flamethrower, and even a three hundred dollar hadbag with a card signed SGCFU (SGC Females United, or just eff you). And if she didn't know better, she'd say that was Felger's handwriting on a love letter. Oh, and don't forget the video tape they had received from Atlantis in their last transmission, signed Weir and McKay.

Then look at the far end of the room with Mitchell. Bare. A few people had checked he would be okay, but he certainly had no line. And he was hurt worst! Carolyn wished everyone would come to their senses and stop treating him like dirt, and making a fuss over the most trivial of things.

She was about to leave her office for the night, when she realized the door was locked. And not opening. It was acting magnetized, or jammed. That was when the doctor felt a slight breeze, inside, and turned around to see a ball of light. Before she could hit the alarm, the beam flew around her, and she couldn't move.

"Sit down, and promise not to call security. I'll let you go once you do." The voice was eerie and disembodied, and she knew it was the light being. Thinking of no better alternative, Lam agreed to its terms and sat down.

"Ah ah ah-that's my chair. You sit in the visitor chair." She didn't like it, but since she wasn't exactly in a bargaining position, she obliged. Then the ball of glowing mass flew to her chair, and took the form of an auburn haired woman, on the petite side of medium hight.

"Now, I've been watching you, and there's a lot to learn. Let's start with what you did wrong today, shall we? I know you were all very professional, but I don't really care. Shall we begin?"

"1. SG-1 is first priority. They are the base big shots. People will visit them, they will spend money on them, and many will die for them. Entire planets will die for them.

2. They have saved the world I think 10 times now. Get rid of them, and we will all die. Their SGC fame is well earned, and trying to dissuade people from their beliefs will lead to you being ostracized.

3. They have friends in high places. Don't cross them, because if they don't like something or someone, their opinion goes straight to the top.

4. Mitchell is not SG-1. SG-1 is not two letters a dash and a number, it's Sam, Daniel, General O'Neill, and Teal'c. just being on the team means nothing, and as far as everyone is concerned, Mitchell is the newbie who got a big reward for knowing his place and saving SG-1.

5. SG-1 sticks together. If one is injured, no matter how superficially, if they are in the infirmary they will never be alone. If the rest of their team is called away, then there will always be a nurse who just happens to have business in the main room. If you try to throw them out, you will probably be the who ends up getting thrown out. By your own staff if necessary.

6. Daniel has his own bed. You may respond with something like, it doesn't have his name on it, but if you check the bottom of the beam directly under the mattress in the middle, then you will see where someone has written in Sharpie, "Property of Daniel Jackson." I think he even reimbursed one of the generals to buy it.

7. News travels fast. People in the Pegasus galaxy already know, after what, a day? Don't try to avoid rumors or gossip, it will not work.

8. And, last but not least, if SG-1 is overdue and you hear an unscheduled off world activation, then begin assembling a med team. Because they will need it. They always do."

After this semi-long rant that seemed to answer all her questions, Lam was left speecles..

"Who are you? Who are you to come here and push me around? I work here, and I can hardly say the same for you. How can you just come up and make blatant assumptions concerning things about which you know nothing!" This had to stop! She would not be pushed around by some wacked alien!

Sighing, the woman got up, came around the desk, and slapped the woman across the face.

"YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT! THIS IS SG-1! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? RANDOM ALIENS KNOW THINGS, AND YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TELL ME WHAT I CAN AND CANNOT SAY AND DO! YOU WORK HERE FOR A YEAR AND A HALF AND YOU THINK THAT MAKES YOU SGC! You are not. I worked here for seven years. I'm trying to help you. And one of the first things you need to learn, especially with them, is that around here death is rarely permanent. I'm living-well, not quite living- proof of that. And I will be watching you, so if you step so much as a toe out of line, then people will know. This is serious business, and it will go straight to the top. Not the president top, higher. As in, Ancients. Gatebuilders. Friends of Daniel's. And speaking of them, I've overstayed my time. Oh, and don't try checking the cameras for proof of this conversation, they've conveniently glitched for a few minutes, but they'll fix themselves in a few seconds."

The woman changed back into light, and floated through the ceiling. Once Lam thought it was safe to move, she visited SG-1 in the main room. As she had suspected, Teal'c was there again, and they were all awake. And Sam and Daniel had given Mitchell chocolate.

"Well, Dr. Jackson, I've decided to move you to another bed. This one just isn't working with location. If you'll give me a minute," Carolyn began crawling under beds on her hands and knees looking for one with marker until she found it. "You'll be in this one." She said, pointing to the one she had found. Daniel gained a look of glee, and Sam one of confusion. How could Lam know to look for Sharpie? The only people who knew about the time she had written that were General Hammond, General O'Neill, Teal'c, Daniel, and… Janet.

Correctly assuming what had happened between the two female doctors, Sam began speaking. "Is she okay? Does this mean she ascended? The whole, ball of light thing? Kind of short, auburn hair, no nonsense? Slap some sense into you if you don't pay attention?" Realizing with a shock who she was describing, Daniel and Teal'c both began to stare and Lam expectantly, while Mitchell looked on confusedly.

"Yes, who was she? She just came in and started telling me stuff. How did she work here for seven years, and how did you people know each other?" This was downright confusing.

"That was doctor Janet Frasier, here for seven years, CMO of base, much loved, brilliant, could cure anything, died in the line of duty saving a man's life. His daughter was named after her. If anyone was pure enough to ascend, it was her." This was Daniel.

After moving Daniel to his rightful bed, Lam went home, leaving SG-1 in peace. They were, after all, SG-1. That's it.

Sooooooooooo……? This just popped into my head a while ago, and I had to write it. Please review. You don't have to if you don't want to, but it's a request.


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